this is not quickly. before december 2009, i had finally been diagnosed with fibromyalgia (which should have been diagnosed more than 20 years before) and related things (like cfs), normal tension glaucoma (which despite its name is the abnormal kind), a separate eye muscle thing, not-ear-related dizziness, migraines. And I had made adjustments to all of it. fine.

then december 2009 an oncoming minivan lost control and came across into our lane about 10 feet in front of our car. lots of injuries. fine. nobody died. (when the first people got to our car, they didn't try to open the door, they didn't call out to us, they wiped the rain off the window and cupped their hands up to it to peer inside, to see if anyone was still alive). christmas in the hospital, away from my kids & husband. fine. had surgery because my arm had turned blue. fine. many things never stopped hurting. no one will listen. fine. adapt. few months later, more problems. go rounds of doctors, locals keep sending me round and round, so go outside--Yale, New York, Boston, NY again. diagnosed after a year, but very un-typical version, not much to do for it that won't make it worse. fine. meanwhile, this adds cardiovascular problems, vertebrobasilar problems, more eye problems, balance problems, breathing problems, dizziness problems, problem problems, you name it, I got it as a problem. No one will do anything but send me to someone else. they don't even care who else, as long as it's someone else, anyone else. What does Dr. X say? Dr. X said what do YOU say? hmmm. Tell Dr. X this. Tell Dr. Y that. Tell Dr. Z this. Dr. X says no he didn't say that (how would you know? you won't talk to him, you all send messages through me), tell him this. Dr Y says hmm, and that's all. Dr. Z says, well what did dr X say? I got a page and a half list of current doctors, and a two page list of former doctors, all from the last 2-1/2 years since we got clobbered.

Come about January this year, I decide enough. Just going round and round in circles between all these doctors, and not a one of them (except ophthalmologist, but he only does eyes) doing me one damn bit of good. decide this is what i got out of this mess, better to spend my very limited energy on adapting and accepting, than going to another useless doctor.

Then, very last day of Jan, or first of Feb, I wake up and right eye keeps dropping shut on me. "weird breathing thing" I've had since accident has been getting worse. (got a lot of "weird --- things" since the accident, weird breathing thing, weird hearing thing, weird dry mouth thing, weird knee thing, ...), but eye dropping shut all on its own is an undeniable thing. Call ophthalmologist. Medical merry go round starts spinning high speed again. go to neurologist. go to emg testing. go to bloodwork. go to endocrinologist. go to cardiologist go to both ophthalmologists. Nothing. Fed up, it's into April by now, finally get told (only when I demand answers, no one even called with results) they don't think it's MG. No word, no attempt, no effort to find out what it IS. Just nope.

fed up. book myself appt at Yale neurologist. wait SEVEN weeks to get in there. now it's June. Tell doc, well, if it's not MG, then what the hell is it? He nods. he appears to listen. he runs the quick squeeze push pull standard tests. he says I dunno eyes, really, I want you to go to neuro-opthalmologist. Nothing more. no looking at the rest of me. only eyes, because to get an appt booked, I needed a referral and ophthalmologist was the guy I got to write me a letter. Go to neuro opth. stupid cranky old fart. just got his report. many many FACTS, off the 8 pages of papers I had to fill out, are wrong. evaluation of my existing eye problems incomplete and wrong, because the guy hardly looked at me, and would not let me talk. didn't even get my eye color right (did you know I have blue eyes? well, neither did I. nor do I.) declares it not MG.