sorry to be long, but I need to get this out-

Saw my neuro yesterday. He said I looked like carp, to which I told him I took my first bath in 4+days to try and look good! LOL I am in a flare and need steroids again (oh joy ) He told me offically I have MS.

First he had me go for a urinalysis to rule out infection since roids can really screw you up if you have one. I call at 11am for results. Assuming that is negative he will start the insurance authorization process to line up my infusions. {he did clue me in that a lot of insurance companies are now requiring this test to approve infusions now}

I thought I was fully prepared for, & accepting of, the eventual words (diagnosis). Turns out ,I held out some glimmer of hope it wasnt the monster- and would be something else. I guess I had grown ok with highly probable too much

I wasn't ready for the feelings of anger, sadness and just overwhelming "feelings" that hit me once I heard his actual words "Jane you have MS, have had it for a while and its getting worse". He said them with care, concern, professionalism and grace - but it hit just the same. True, I am the type who needs to hear it straight, not danced around or avoided. But feel like I got sucker punched in a way that I wasn't expecting...

At least there is an up side or two: medical forms are suddenly easier to fill out & I have found a world of friends here. just need a day to lick me wounds?