Dear Mari

I really hope you feel better. And especially that the chest pain is gone. It is always freaky when that happens. One knows it can be due to anxiety, but one is never sure that it is, in fact, for certain, anxiety. So I just hope it is gone by now.

I guess I am mildly surprised you felt odd at being upset in tdoc's office.

My experience: Even though often being at tdoc's brings my mood up a little, i am used to being upset in front of him. When he was new, and i was not, i put it to myself that i had to learn, so that we could deal with issues that upset me, and i wouldn't get caught up in my state... but rather get on with our exchange. When i get into issues, i do get upset, and now i am ok with being upset in his office. I feel it is actually useful that feelings are expressed directly (sadness, anger) rather than referred calmly "i am angry about...." I believe if he "sees" it he can help me better. Now that is my personal perspective, that is all.

Now I understand you have a "thing" with your tdoc... she "gets you" as you say... you don't have to talk about it, close to psychic etc. You do hypnosis (i.e. "work" from an altered state of awareness). All of that is why i was only MILDLY surprised.

I have to posit very gently, that maybe you could, just as you are "used to being upset", gradually learn to be "ok" with being upset in her office. You know, learn to do the conventional let it all hang out. I think it might be very insightful, especially for her. At first, it will feel uncomfortable and may hamper things a little, but in the long run, I believe that her actually witnessing your upset states could augment her ability to help you.

Now that is just my two cents. I do not have a psychic pdoc nor do I do hypnosis. I understand one has to be calm to do hypnosis. The way that pdoc and I work things though is if we are supposed to dedicate a session to a specific thing but i am too upset, we defer. We might deal with my upsetness, or just with something different where my being upset does not hamper it. It is not like i always go there upset. So eventually we get back to whatever we were supposed to have done and progress is made. Also, dealing with immediate states is another kind of progress, in its own right.

If you think maybe meds need a tweak well you know what I'll say next... call pdoc. If you've been more up in the air than usual for say a week now, definitely time to give him a call.

Good luck, and again, I wish you the best and hope you feel much better soon. I hope you are able to get more good sleep too. I know that will help you.

sending loving thoughts

~ waves ~