Unfortunately I'm in a dilemma. I know I need to sleep desperately but I can't, I can't stop my mind. I tried Klonopin and didn't seem right. I started to shake and cry and I got nervous and never took it again. I have this fear of becoming a drug addict. I even hate to take Nyquil when I'm sick. I've seen some people that were addicts when I was in the hospital and it broke my heart. I don't want to end up like that, in a hospital where no one cares.

I can't take any anti-ds because they make me manic. So my pdoc said no more.

I think I'm coming down a bit but I'm terrified of how "down" I'll come. The last time I had a bad episode I came waaaay down and tried "it" and I don't want to end up there again.

This is just my ignorance I think. I don't know a lot about BP, I'm afraid to ask questions and clam up.

I know I definitely won't be able to sleep tonight. I have these big blowers blowing and 3 humidifiers from the carpet place to help to dry out my carpets from the flood. The insurance adjuster won't be out until sometime next week so I hope they dry soon.