Quote:
Originally Posted by headcasey
sorry about the block text, it didnt occur to me to leave spaces when i was writing it. thanks scott, its nice to know that there are other people who can understand what im going through. part of what has made this experience so hard for me is the lack of competent treatment by my doctors and general lack of understanding about the effects of head injury among my peers.
when i first received my injury, no one recognized that i had a concussion including myself until after the rugby match in which i was participating was concluded. even when i told my mother that i suspected that i had suffered a concussion, she told me not to self diagnose and scheduled me an appointment with my gp for the following Wednesday (four days after the fact).
to make matters worse, i had standardized testing for all of the three days of meantime between the injury and being seen by my gp, which was horribly stressful considering it was a test which i was required to pass in order to graduate highschool (i still managed to pass). when i finally went to the doctor, i ended up seeing his physicians assistant who clearly had very little experience in dealing with mtbi.
i was given very few tests and no restrictions and told that my symptoms should clear in about a week; they didn't. when i returned i was also seen by the physicians assistant who told me that what i was experiencing was not unusual and that i should be 100% better withing six weeks (still no restrictions).
four weeks on and i was still miserable, i would have good days and bad days but my recovery seemed stalled. my mother became tired of my complaints as the compounded her stress from work and caused any concerns of mine to be met with hostility.
due to my head injury, the removal of my wisdom teeth which had been scheduled for a few weeks after the match in march had been postponed for another month. although i only felt marginally better i allowed my mothers pressure and my own desire to be my own self fool me into saying that i felt that i was back to normal. i had my wisdom teeth removed and relapsed completely.
when my symptoms refused to resolve, i began to do research on the effects of concussion on the brain ( attempting to understand being my first line of defense against uncertainty). naturally what i found scared me senseless, however through this research i became acquainted with the phenomenon of pcs.
when i revealed to my mother that i was still having symptoms and that i was afraid that i had post concussive syndrome, she claimed that i was self diagnosing, eventually deciding that i was making the whole thing up to get attention. by the time internet to the doctor i had almost begun to believe that i was suffering from some form of hypochondria and that there was nothing physically wrong with me; my doctor had other ideas.
upon returning to my gp, the physicians assistant (seeing me for the fourth time in a row) decided that my headaches, insomnia, foggy memory and difficulty thinking/ concentrating, were unrelated to my head injury and were in fact the result of migraines. she then loaded me up with physicians samples if a migraine medication which had absolutely no effect.
durring my final visit to the gp, i was finally allowed to see my doctor, not because he wanted to see me or because i had asked, but because the physicians assistant had finally been stumped by my condition. my doctor came in, and within fifteen minutes decided that i was suffering from pcs.
this is the point at which i began doing what should've been done ( and what i wanted to do) in march; i went to a neurologist. he told me that everything my physicians had done leading up to my visit to him had been wrong, and i was finally put on restrictions and given accommodations at my school.
i have since had neropsychological testing and have been unable to do much symptom free, however despite my condition, i am probably going to spend most of my summer vacation traveling ( with mixed feelings). i am currently on the island of malta which would be a dream come true had it not been for my head injury, which has ruined my vacation and further strained my relationship with my mother.
again i am sorry for the long bio, but i wanted to put as much information out there as possible about what im going through in the hopes that anyone will have some suggestions for me on how to better manage given my current state of affairs.
right now i just looking for a was to stay in shape and some way of distracting myself from the injury itself.
i am also curious as to the portability of my suffering from an injury to the upper cervical spine considering the way in which i first received the concussion ( head on collision of shoulder with the side of my skull about half an inch in front of my right ear while running.
if anyone has any question comments or suggestions for me i would be very grateful
thanks allot
headcasey.
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Headcasey,
You sound worried and scared and frustrated and alone. That is often the way this feels. But you are very young and strong, and that is a tremendous plus toward a generally rapid and complete healing.
You don't want to overdue it physically. I am still trying to learn this lesson. After FIVE years! I am so determined to get well...but my determination gets me into a heap of lying around, unable to lift my head!!! I can't seem to take it easy, until my body makes me take it easy. It is the most frustrating experience I have ever had. My brain and body simply will not let me do what I feel I should and must do. You may wish to stay in shape, but you may have to redefine what that looks like. I can no longer run, for example, or do anything jarring such as a jumping jack. You may be better than that, but still not have the speed you once enjoyed, or something like that. Pay attention to what your body tells you, and respect what it is saying.
It will be difficult to talk with your mother, but it may be necessary to try to explain--outside of conflict and fury--what you have been experiencing. It sounds like she just wants you to be your old self, but you are getting panicky because you do not feel at all like your old self. Family conflict is part and parcel of head injury recovery. The best thing you can do, I think, is to try to express yourself when you are calm, and not when you are being questioned...
It's possible that the conversation will result in turmoil either way. A brain injured person has difficulty explaining and expressing his discomfort; so, just imagine how difficult it is for a person who has never suffered a brain injury to understand how you are feeling. The worst part is when people start telling you you are crazy. That is how they make sense of what you yourself can't easily bear or describe.
The intensity of your injury will determine what you can and cannot do. The fact that you passed your exams early on is a good sign, and you are writing reasonably clearly, which is another good sign. I would still say that you should just try to slow things down a bit...and yes, definitely have your neck checked. An orthopedic surgeon should know, but I would expect your neurologist to check it as well; at least mine did--and he treated the swelling.
Give yourself a few more months, and if you slow way down, you might begin to feel a lot better than you are now. Traveling is no fun, but then, it also gives you some opportunity solely to relax. Just sitting and breathing is healing, as is listening to nature, birds, the surf. You have suffered some trauma, and the more centered you can begin to feel, the more you can aid your recovery. That's one reason the wisdom tooth extraction was a disaster--too much additional trauma to your body. Just be calm and quiet. Don't panic. You are probably feeling panicky enough just from the concussion, so take extra special good care.
This might also mean not talking to friends and family who do not understand. You don't want to argue; that won't help you get well. Trust me, I know that for certain. Sometimes it's unavoidable because people do not understand and you want them to, but it is probably better just to write/journal, if you can.
Good luck!