Hi Debbie!
I just wanted to say (and I hope you don't mind) that I helped take care of my aunt who I loved very much and who I watched die from a brain tumor that changed her personality, and I've been trying to help family who are still hurting from that experience years ago. I just realized a few weeks ago that I desperately needed to talk to a counselor to help me deal with the emotional trauma of that and being the "rock" for everyone else. So I'd recommend find someone, whether it's a counselor or a pastor or whoever you feel will be detached enough but experienced enough to talk to about how this makes you feel and how it's affected you.