...to come on here and seek support. If you recognize my name you might notice that I have a tendency to come here and look for ways I can help or advice I can give. And it pleases me to give as well as I can and I hope it helps, but I'm working through boundary issues with a counselor for panic attacks and an anxiety disorder and ADD that were present before the injury.


She said my "task" for this week was to lean on someone for a change.

SO.. here I am. And the truth is this summer is so hot and so wickedly exhausting that it really makes me scared. I'm hanging on to the hope that the hot weather is just making it harder and it will get better when it's cooler, like before. My PCS has been "relapsed", I guess you could say, since the end of May.


Some days are better than others but every morning in bed starts with something like me and my brain in a silent Western standoff with me thinking "What are you going to do to me today...". Taking a roulette gamble every single morning is starting to drive me a little crazy. I'm SO tired of being brave every morning.


Just getting out of bed is so hard. Trying to be everything everyone who loves me hopes I'll be is even worse. But I just can't bear for my boyfriend who looks and hopes every day for improvement to see me just suffering in some way every day. I try to be steady and fake showing improvement.


Also it seems like my body has the worst time controlling my temp. Even in air conditioning I feel like a greenhouse and I'm getting hot flashes, but in the water for barely 10 minutes I start to get chills and goosebumps when everyone else is fine. Get out of the water and I'm close to heat exhaustion within an hour again. Does anyone else get this?


I'm trying with every ounce of me to arrive at a place where PCS and I are old rivals and I know every twist and turn and I can function in some respect in spite of it all. And to top it all off, I want to get married next May but I honestly don't know if I can tell my boyfriend that despite it being nearly a year and a half after the injury, I might not be all that much better.

I feel like I have a deadline and that worries me.


Also my mother and father have anxiety issues and altho some days Mom is patient and supportive, some days she just needs me to be the strong one and that's so exhausting!! And I know now Dad doesn't get PCS at all and I think he may think I'm just being weird and weak. He keeps telling me I should exercise and get out in the fresh air and take my life back.