Lily, it sure sounds like you've been through a terrible time, a hideous time. I am so very, very sorry you've had to deal with this especially without the support you've needed.
I wish I were there to wrap my arms around you -- and go get groceries !!

I do understand what you're feeling and my heart aches for you. I've been through some of the same thing but somehow, SOMEHOW I found better doctors and got a bit better help.
Please see if you can take one more step - I know each step is hard - and get to better help. Have you tried a university hospital? They offer better help.
And keep talking - I've lurked here and learned how these people listen. That's why I'm here.