Quote:
Originally Posted by Leesa
Bless your heart. How WELL I know this story. I'm a spinal patient as well as a chronic pain sufferer. I've dealt with this beast of chronic pain for 26 years. Yes, you read that right -- 26 years. It has been agony. No one understands. People say "Gee, you look ok." Or "does your back still hurt?" Or they'll say "Why don't you exercise?" My God, EVERY MOVEMENT I MAKE is agony -- how in the hell can I exercise? This pain has advanced into RSD now, so it's NOT just my back!!! It's everywhere. So they want me to exercise?? I'm lucky if I can get out of bed! YOU know what I'm talking about, don't you Painman!!!
Ahhh, the anger. I went thru that stage too, but I've gotten over that. It seems that I've accepted the fact that I'm going to be in pain the rest of my life. I have a good doctor who is trying very hard too help get me comfortable, but it's been very difficult because I'm VERY hard to treat. In fact, it takes triple doses to medicate me, and that's questionable to the DEA. My doc would get into trouble if he medicated me like that! I wake up on the operating table during surgery -- that's how hard I am to medicate. I've done that 3 times during surgery!!! They just can't keep me asleep or give me enough to do it! 
I know the frustration, the feeling of being uselessness, the loneliness, the pain. Many of us are stuck in this awful pit of despair. But if you keep postiing or look for other support groups who can help give you the support you need, or if you can find a group locally it will certainly help. Even if you can find just a chronic pain support group it would be great! Just try not to isolate, even tho getting out is painful. Sometimes we have to try to "ignore" the pain as much as possible -- even tho ignoriing it isn't the right word as we can't ever ignore it. It's there all the time, and is too severe to ignore. Just try to "bypass" it and get out and DO ignore the ignorant statements made by people who don't understand. Just say I'm ok and walk on cause if they really wanted to know how you were, they'd come to the house and be supportive. 
I wish you the very best. Just know there are people "out here" who DO understand and who care. God bless Painman, and take care. Hugs, Lee |
hi lee. I actually have been a member of neuro talks for some time. but mainly for RSD. I got sooooo built up with emotions and pain, and anger with all the things wrong with me. I felt like I needed a different place to vent, this once. and thank you for your response it was very kind of you. Im sure you must know what it is like to work at being in control of yourself. with me I have spent a life time trying to hide my fear, sorrow, pain. only letting a fraction show through. now as a father who "was" the bread winner ,the educator , the discipliner, ,and I never cried. even through all my other crap. and I also never panicked. I always was the one in the house to be the rock and so on. I never asked for help. If i could see it done I could do it. if it fell apart I could fix it. so you can see how this is hard.. I need to rely on my wife and kids to do the "daddy " stuff. Its like my kids and wife were abandoned and left to fend for themselves. plus they have another child too care for. aside from dumb pride. its hard to see this stuff done by others. I loved working with my hands, taking care of the properly and the house.you know arrgg arrr arr power tools. then this pain . this disability. and trying to get treatment. uuughh. its just all a bad mix and I fell week. so I came here looking to vent and looking for the kindness I received . perspective is the greatest gift to receive to clear the chaos that built up. .. sorry I tend to be long winded. but all of that really to say ..."thank you" I am sorry that your 26 years of pain wound up with the name RSD attached to it. That is the beast of all beasts. I have worked through broken skull, back damage etc.. but RSD is the worst.. be well