Theres this process i go through with people who make themselves bigger to make others smaller. I first beat myself up because I am certain that I'm wrong or a FAILURE (which you mentioned in your post) then I doubt myself and eventually shove it all down to try and just "make it better" mostly for the other person.
In this type of relationship I feel alone often. I feel there's no ROOM for me to be myself because I'm either a huge success or a giant failure. Living with this binary is so hard because we don't have room to accept ourselves or what we're going through.
I know a lot of how it feels, but I don't know from your experience. I do know That It's hard to see hope when depression is so deep.

I just joined this site and this is my first post. I'm hoping to come on it often to simply know that i am not alone.

~Samantha