Painman, I feel ya brother. I deal with every single thing you’ve mentioned, and even those things I’m sure you may have left out. Okay, for a moment of humor… just be glad you don’t also have a “that time of the month” to go with it all.

All kidding aside, I am truly sorry you’re having such a rough day. I too grieve for my former self. And when pain is at an absolute maximum, I also get very short and sometimes just down right angry with anyone I encounter. At a later time, I spend moments with those who are in the wake of feelings I may have trampled, explaining my case, apologizing, and seeking forgiveness.

I think my RSD is much like yours in that it is in my legs (started in one, then spread), and has more recently gone every and anywhere it damn well pleases. And like you my wrists are now weak too. My senses are definitely affected too e.g. my ears are very sensitive to sounds/noises, especially sudden noises, my eyes seems to be failing at record speed, and water when RSD is at its worst (not just crying, but watering). And don’t even get me started on health care or lack thereof.

I am self-employed (what little I can do any more) and could no longer afford the $1k monthly premiums. Can’t qualify for disability due to my self-employment and some work credit BS. So yeah, I’m a new addition to the “system” and boy that’s just working out kickass for me (not). Seems I will have to prove my RSD to my new primary care doc before he will refill any pain meds. I mean never mind the 3” think stack of med records I recently gave him. I guess it’s just too much trouble to read, and probably wouldn’t matter anyway because he says I’m out of his scope of practice and we’ll see if I’m approved to see a specialist that he is trying to refer me to. <sigh> Oh, and did I mention that the hospital nuero dept that I am trying to get referred to has just had a flood of new patients with the shooting that happened in my town (Aurora, CO Theater shooting). Don’t get me wrong, those folks (mostly young adults and children) need help, but I feel sure they are a little overwhelmed right now.

I have five, yes five children, a husband, a grandchild, two dogs, a house w/ yard, a couple of friends, and a business to try and keep up with. It is an epic fail right now on every level. It is really hard for my youngest (9 y/o) daughter. She has never known day that I wasn’t like this, and doesn’t really understand when she sees me cry in pain. I have spent a lot of time asking “why God, why”. Then I came to the realization, why not me? I am not sure of all the reasons, but surely there must be one.

Anyway…. Hang in there man. Your wife and children are counting on it. Get some rest if you can. Tomorrow is a new day and perhaps a different view.