Before 6 weeks ago, I'd never taken a psych med, anti-depressant, sleep med, whatever. Ever. I was scared ******** about taking a simple anti-depressant, afraid that I would become a vegetable who doesn't feel, that is just flat and moving through life with no interest, and if there was, it would all be fake.
What I have discovered, however (meds are still adjusting) is that the me I was before this traumatic event doesn't exist anymore anyway. What I'm finding is that these meds are only for a time, and that they are helping me get out of the house, intract the cashier at the grocery store without wanting to **** my pants and RUN, and I am noticing little glimpses in my day that feel good-even if it's just fleeting.
I still struggle with anxiety and depression and panic d/o, but I am able to handle situations with a little less of those feelings. I am also able better to cope with my reactions to things this way.

My dream world has changed (if you're a dream, you'll notice) and I do sometimes feel...artificially viewing the world, but honestly, I stand by the hope that this won't last forever, and someday I'll be able to do the things I used to.
My anxiety and panic is mostly PTSD I think from 6 weeks ago. Before that I was sleeping, drinking, or laying in bed if I wasn't working. That life, obviously wasn't working for me, so why would I want to go back to it anyway? And this life is temporary, I know I will become my authentic self who is better able to manage her life and find joy in every day.
Right now, joy is not in the cards right now; but taking my meds (no matter how badly I don't want to) and trusting them to do their work while I do mine, is.

Hang in. We share similar ideas, so if you want to talk more, let's.

~Samantha