NeuroTalk Support Groups - View Single Post - Is it really true

Addy · 04-20-2007, 02:19 PM

[F]For over a year now, I have been working the most difficult, challenging job of my life. In 2006 I volunteered to be a part of a "pilot project" for my HUGE internet company.

Although the intent of the project was to offer "education" and "help" with regards to the use of our internet presence, it immediately became a dumping ground for many irrational, angry people.

I liken my job to that of an internet chat room monitor - except that this "project" involves allowing those "invited to participate" to phone us.

Yesterday I had to explain to member#1 (from VA) that it was OK for member#2 (from somewhere else in the US) to potentially make $$ by marketing the massacre. I must tell member#1 that "according to site policy" it isn't distasteful. The man I spoke with was thankfully very kind and knew that I was not the policy maker. We spoke at length about our world, our countries (mine Canada, his US) and people.

That is the crux that determined, for me, that I could not go into work today. I am exhausted, beat up and drained ... I simply cannot rise to the challenge and so here I sit... near noon, 3 cups of coffee and still not showered or dressed... I pour it out...

One day a man called... he was sobbing... told me that he was in stage 3 cancer, just got home from the hospital and discovered we had banned him from using our site...
why, it turns out... his 43 year old son came "home" while he was in the hospital, robbing his wife and him of their dignity, their personal possessions and money... and the reason for his call to me: the loss of his privileges to use our website (a consequence of his son stealing his account).

Another time, a man in his 30s called... I quickly review the previous notes with regards to his calls - the subject titles all contain words like "abusive" "angry" "swearing" "rude"... I brace myself -- the call escalated to the point that he was screaming in my ears, yelling so loud... I disconnected the call. I was very upset that a person like this was allowed to call us - and couldn't understand why management wouldn't cut him out of our "pilot project". I reviewed a previous email from this person. In it he said that we have the wrong number on file for him (not admitting it was his responsiblity to change the number) and because of that, his x-girlfriend received a call. He said that the x had a restraining order against him!! Yet, he's allowed to call us!

Over the year I have gained more weight than I have ever been - none of my clothes fit... I have no energy... I have taken a 2 wk stress leave without pay and because our company plan doesn't cover "stress" I couldn't afford to take any more time... my apartment is in shambles - I don't change the cat litter or sweep the floor - dishes are everywhere... my meds have been upped... and for the first time, I've thought whats the point of living anymore... thoughts... yet, not serious, so please, please know I am not planning anything and won't do anything... I'm just telling you about a place I have never been before...

I have been "disciplined" at work for being vocal about how detrimental this project is to the employees (we have lost 1/2 our staff! they just quit - and I am seeking another job - thank God I have a connection) - and although I believe phone support is necessary - I also know that we do not have the training or skills to deal with the calls that escalate to the point that its obvious the person on the other end of the phone has some serious mental issues. I am approximately 25 years older than the average employee in my company. My life's experiences have taught me that I cannot change others, I can only change myself... and that being said, I still do my damdest to speak out when I see a wrong that could be righted.

And so, here I am today, my friends... reaching out for anything you can give me... I need a push, I need to get back into talk therapy, I need to get out on that beautiful seawall... I need to clean up my insides and outsides.

This is just the start...
xo Addy
(and PS - just so you know I'm not completely depleted... I am still singing in my wonderful chorus, went to Stars on Ice the other night, bought some new clothes that fit to feel pretty, AND on Monday I received a call to say I have passed the testing and now wait for the call for the final interview (a gov't job and union!... keep your fingers crossed for me)[/FONT]