The one thing I notice...almost universally...with all the wonderful people on this website is the courage that you all possess. My sister had osteogenic sarcoma as a 13 year old...she lost her right leg....she survived...only to get breast cancer at 48...she survived that too....she just lost her job and is barely hanging on to her home.....I...on the other hand...have a beautiful home...a nice paying job....a wonderful wife...and I am ready to end it all. I just don't have the energy to live a life of disability. Now trust me....I'm not asking for 911 or some...get some help...kind of support...I'm just rambling tonight, because I used to be such an athlete....I was always so in shape...My best friend died of lupus...and I never thought I'd be affected by anything...other than a heart attack at 90. I don't want to live a life of pain and sorrow...be miserable...and not be positive for my wife. She is 10 years my junior and in perfect health....she has supported me when I gave up on cycling at the club, because it aggravated my arthitic knee....she supported me on so many things...she shouldn't have to do that...I remember the line from Saturday Night Live...."It's better to look good than feel good". I am a 57 year old male who looks about 40, but am know feeling about 80. In the old days we all checked out at about 50....I think that is probably a good thing. I am so jealous of men my age that are healthy....running...biking...and in wondeful shape......I really do want to check out. Not a pity message...so...you know who you are....please don't rip me.