dear friends

having a tough few nights sleeping

arms shoulders throat head knees buttocks
chest eyes fingers feet shins throb my whole body
with a constant
heartbeat of pain
new to the above list
back to sweating profusely
change clothes sheets
blankets

amazing what the body goes through
i need to find a cardiologist
my last one i was a patient for
six years
had problems with office staff


my dear friend mark
thank you for keeping
this thread going
without interruptions
and oh you are so right
an amazing porthole
to come and
to ones real truths

i am blessed to have met you
nothing by chance
persons who come
and rally around a broken
spirit
and can be lifted
and carried until
i have the will to go on

it is not by chance
i find this port
a special loving
place
allow me to
say what i might
and always support
behind me

have persons who tell me
things i need to be told
for i can blind myself
with my own crap

overwhelmed i am
money certainly
is not what i live
for it is a
must to survive
squander i do not
mistakes
i have made a FEW
regrets some
is it wrong to
think i should have
been a little selfish
and tended to my wants
and needs
many dreams short
lived by always
someone else and
their selfishness
came first
does this make sense
to anyone
i have missed the
boat so many times
all for the love
of protecting my children
i know my boy is hurting
and he does also know he can trust me
the dynamics of my family
lineage is a bloody mess


I TRUST YOU GOD
I TRUST YOU JESUS
AND THE HOLY SPIRIT
FOR MOTHER MARY
WAS CHOSEN TO BARE
THE PAIN A MOTHERS
HEART FOREVER I
AM GRATEFUL

i am blessed
you do not see me
write much
about Olie or Eva
for that matter
it hurts way to much
i will see Eva thursday
may it be a nice day
i haven't been able to
take Corissa to the pool
hoping to do so thursday
car needs brakes first
found that out taking myself
to the doctors with Corissa
oh my God what a sound

four years later a in worse
place than ever
not doable to go back to
work
MY INSURANCE
is of importance
don't want to loose it
on SSD almost two years
can't return yet as much
as i want to

thank you God for caring
never abandoned me
shame on me
if i ever thought that

as you all know me somewhat
i think you could say i am at
my best when i know my family is okay

do i have to live life with no expectations

that would be terrible

all i ask is for the truth

thank you Jesus
i Trust you Jesus
i Love you Jesus

blessed i am in the end

thank you all
and a special thanks to our
very special person Mark

how is Ray doing
enjoy any blueberry
muffins during your read
a hello to him

someone who cares