HA! I feel better! dun dun dun (cue horror music)

yesterday I wanted to get up. not get up because I had to,or had things that needed to be done, and I was being a good adult. I wanted to do them. I washed my nasty kitchen from top to tip. I made (home made) a nice breakfast lunch and dinner. I dusted the spare bedrooms and washed their windows. I changed the sheets on all the beds. I cleaned off my desk! I will never find anything now, but its clean! I know this sounds silly but I LOVED cleaning. it made me feel good to be able to care for those things I love. When I dust that knick knack my son sent home from war it brings back memories. or that photo of my DH and I 25 years ago clowning around. I got my furniture from a family member who treasured it. it was the bed I spent my summers in! I love how it shines when its oiled and pretty. You wont find this kind of workmanship today nor the amount of storage. So, while my list was not completed, I was UP! and I was up because I WANTED to be up!

For about a year now when I wake up one of the first things that crossed my head was "why" why bother! there is nothing I can do, there is nothing I am willing to do, and everything that I could want to do someone is going to yell that I am sick, please sit down. I am wobbly and scaring folks. So, why? why bother! I had not become depressed, but frustrated and had not yet accepted that this is how MS designed my life to turn out. I needed to stop cooking. I cant stand for a long period to make my meal. I needed to stop cleaning as even the light vacuum is too heavy to pull. forget shopping as thats a night mare of a different color. I was rapidly reaching the point of not doing a whole lot for myself. DH has been cooking, doing laundry, and sweeping when he can. hit or miss dusting when he is able, and he is my chief cook and bottle washer. it was peeing me off!

So, maybe this BS in a bottle is working! Dont care where it came from, if its temporary I will deal with that too, but for this weekend out of this month I personally am going to reclean my house. today I am tackling the baths! I know dh has been skipping at them, but he misses the corners and the tops of things. he doesnt wipe off the bottles before he puts them away. He shoves things under the sinks. so, today will be bathroom day! its been so long since I saw under my sinks I dont know what is under there anymore. I have a feeling much will be trash! 4 year old mascara or shampoo or even advil doesnt need to be kept. Whooo!

I am doing one job or half a job and then resting a bit. then back at it. but im up cause I want to be!

***doing the happy dance***