I hope things are going better for you. I totally understand where you are coming from. I was with my husband for 4 years before we got married and after 7 months of marriage he fell 18 feet from a ladder at work, which resulted in a brain injury... I was relieved he survived b/c he could have easily died, but it has been a challenging journey for the last 7 years since he was no longer the man I married.
I found myself always putting his needs ahead of my own b/c he almost died. Until one day I had enough and I stopped enabling him from not doing anything. He has regained most of capabilities but his drive and ambition are gone. What I have learned in my journey is that you have to put your needs first or else you can't truly help someone else. Think of it like the flight attendant analogy - how they tell you if the plane is going down to put your air mask on first before helping those that can't help themselves. So how can you really help him until you help yourself first. You have to do what's best for you no matter what b/c you matter!!
Also please recognize the signs your body is trying to tell you. Those symptoms are showing up to tell you something. I checked in my book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" and it says that the abdominal area could be the result of these feelings:
-incorrect use of judgment
-identifies with possessions and has little sense of self
-feeling possessive of someone, worrying about others/needs introspection to change self
-feels responsible for giving understanding, help & encouragement
-feeling undue tension, fear & anxiety which constricts the energy flow
-disharmony and bondage in relationships
-bound up in present fears and not trusting
When these feelings come up just sit with them so you can see what's the lesson to learn. I've found that we try to get out of the uncomfortable feelings as quickly as possible without letting them do there job so we can release them and move on. I personally practice the Hawaiian technique by Dr. Hen Lui for healing Ho'opponopono which says when you have these feelings say to the universe or god (whoever you pray to) I'm sorry. Please forgive me. thank You. I love you. You are saying to the universe I'm sorry for having these feelings, please forgive me. Thank you for showing me this lesson and I love you!
I look forward to hearing how things are going... Sending you lots of love
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmarried
Hi everyone, I'm new here.
My story is complicated but I will try to sum up.
I was just married after being with my boyfriend for 7 years. He had been out of work for 9 months due to severe depression (was hospitalized, had ECT for it, etc... so it was very severe), had just gotten back to work in January and we decided to get married since things were getting better. We got married at the courthouse on February 29th because we thought it was a cool date to get married. We are supposed to be having a ceremony and reception this weekend on May 5th.
On April 8th my husband gave himself a severe concussion by hitting his head on the kitchen cabinets and falling over. We were married for ONE WEEK before he completely changed into someone I don't even know anymore. We went to the emergency room 4 or 5 times for his post-concussion symptoms, he crashed his car twice and totaled it, even though I told him repeatedly he was in no condition to drive, and have been waiting to see a neurologist for MONTHS due to a previous problem that occurred in November. He also began to have cluster headaches in February and missed more work so there was already stress on our marriage before the concussion happened.
There is supposed to be a good concussion clinic where we live, and we have had one appointment there, not even with a doctor, but the PhD who runs the program. That was a month ago. They are so backed up that we can't even get appointments. So basically he is getting no treatment and sitting around the house doing nothing. He blames me for everything, spends all our money without keeping track of it, tells me he regrets marrying me in his worst moments, and still I have to cook, clean, take him to his appointments, take him wherever he needs to go. He can barely walk because he is so unsteady and his mood is totally irrational, hostile, and mean. I don't even know this man anymore. We also have 2 high maintenance dogs that I am solely caring for because he can't walk them, and doesn't even bother to give them food or water when he is at home. He tells me constantly he doesn't care about anything. He has been getting more and more piercings and tattoos, (also not keeping track of how much money this is costing us) and they are interfering with our intimacy because most of them are genital piercings. Seriously, who would do that right after getting married without even telling their spouse? We did not get a honeymoon because he didn't have any vacation days left due to his cluster headache days he was taking off, and we won't now because of his condition and our lack of money. I have no family in the area and my friends are just as busy as I am and can't help that much. I am at my wit's end, I don't even know if I can stay in a marriage like this, I don't know if it will ever get better or if this damage is permanent, let alone finish planning this "wedding" on Saturday.
Honestly there is a part in me that just wants to call off the whole thing and move out. But we have so much money invested in it and I still hope that we can get through it and he really does love me and his brain injury will heal.
I'm so worn out because I have been having abdominal pains since August that they are just now considering testing for endometriosis. I had to push back my diagnostic surgery because I am caring for him. I am exhausted and in pain every day and no one helps care for me at all. He refuses to go to any kind of counseling. Please help, I am in tears, and desperate, and I don't know how to handle this.
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