hey Steve

sorry you've had one of those horrid fear/depression episodes. it sounds like a protracted panic attack. glad to see that you're currently feeling better.

just want to quickly say, when you feel afraid, try to have like a mental dialog or an emotional dialog. it doesn't have to be eloquent or have full sentences. key words will do. the dialog should be your fearful/suffering self with a reassuring alter-self. in otherwords do self talk. except it's not really self talk it's more like self listening.

like... this --- this might sound kooky, but here goes:

Fearful self: (train of thought) news storms everywhere electricity outages chest pain, never ends what if it never ends scared i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared.
Reassuring alter-ego: i am here with you and i hear you. i hear that we are scared.
Fearful self: chest pain
Reassuring alter-ego: i am here with you. We are breathing. Let us breath deep and slow (focus on breath, in out).
Fearful self: i feel so bad i can't get myself to feel better
Reassuring alter-ego: i hear that we aren't well. this is not our fault. we might not feel better right away but we will surely feel better. is there anything i can do to help us feel better? (open self-question)

i don't know if that makes sense. it's like, the cognitive side speaking to the emotional side. the whole point is acknowledgement. saying there there don't cry, or don't be scared is pointless - it makes things worse. it renegs the feelings. the feelings are real. the best thing to do is to really accept them through a cognitive process as well, rather than try to resist them/fight them. i think that the resistance pattern might be blocking your breathing and contributing to chest pain. during these times, it would be good to remind yourself that you ("we") are breathing and breathe - not just deeply but with the belly if possible, and slowly, feeling the breath enter and exit the body. sometimes when i do this and i am very scared i say to myself, i am here, i am breathing, i exist. or i use the we: we are here, we are breathing, we exist.

anyway i hope you continue to be ok and that you do not have a relapse any time soon.

i am also glad other folk were here to comfort you when you were feeling bad since i wasn't. sending hugs .

~ waves ~