Dear Hilary

I'm so sorry to read of that awful day and those "flashback-causing" encounters with all those very real links to your old life and the betrayals that ensued... how terrifying.

it sounds like you like the work part of it - the nature part, so i'm glad you will be moved to another section and with a schedule that sounds like it will work better for you, i sure hope so.

i hope you can somehow figure out the commute. is there an organization that could help? perhaps your counselor would know if there is one that might provide rides, or groups of volunteers in your area doing that.

or maybe if it's not every day it will be ok. you might find you'll be able to tolerate it after a while. do you want to share what about the ride is bothersome? is it people-proximity per se, or is it more their indirect effects such as noise or visual distractions? think it might help to wear a walkman / listen to music? maybe combined with reading? sometimes when i really need to blot out sounds i wear earplugs AND headphones over them. i'm just tossing out stuff but not sure what it is that is most troubling to you so not sure if this is helpful.

hey Hilary you've been through so much now you deserve some joy and some peace in your life and i do wish you that!

and one more thing --- good job quitting the cigars very temporarily, even if there was just one that didn't get smoked when it might have... practice makes perfect LOL... ;>

i send you hugs

~ waves ~