Thanks to all who replied,

I have made some big decisions in the last cple of days, none of them particularly easy.

Yes, I love him truly and deeply, I have to believe him in the things he's said about his motives. Lot of people/friends trying to get me to hate, or look deeper mainly I think for me to be able to move on. I'm the one who knows him best, and, I have to have faith in that.

I really have bn so, so hurt that I was in danger of becoming ill, or messing up my job, or worse.

I've stopped trying contact, yes I have to let him go, especially if it is depression, I can't be responsible for making it worse for him. (i'm also getting out seeing mates, keeping busy,making myself eat and exercise, believing in him and seeing a counsellor)

I mostly hope he gets better, and secretly but with little hope, that he might come back into my life one day. Not ready to give up completely yet. Perhaps this is the way that can happen, rather than him learning to hate me for hanging on.I so hope I'm right and that he doesn't think I've given up.

I miss him so much, and wish i could turn the clock back but I can't, so, I have to wish him well and love and hope he remembers me.

Thanks for helping me, it's hard as hell, but life is like that huh!!!!

Good luck everybody