Hi everyone,
First I would like to thank everyone who replys to my posts. I am usually a lurker, but sometimes I am in such despair that I feel like I will explode in a really bad way.
Maybe some of you remember my story. I have been fighting with myself for many,many days to find a reason to continue another day. So far I have won, but the darkness is there....always. Maybe some people won't understand why I stay in my current situation, but Ihave exhausted the things I think I can do. I was denied for my ssdi by the judge. He didn't believe me. I had just been dx with MG a couple of months before that, and I amstill trying to understand it. I am also hypothyroidism, many areas in my neck and back that cause problems. I have had 2 mental breakdowns. One I was hospitalized.
I was a single mother who raised my kids alone. I never received any child support, even to this day. I was always too proud to accept help from anyone. So for me to be reduced to being unable on some days even to take a shower, let alone work to take care of myself has really been hard.
I find myself living with my sisters and bro-in-law. My parents both passed in 2010,which is still very hard for me. My oldest sister does not believe I am sick. I should still be able to be her "slave".Her "help" comes with so many strings that I am choked by them. She does the least amount for me that she has too. I know she doesn't have to do anything for me, but she will tell anybody she would not be alive if it wasn't for me.
She was dying of cirossis of the liver and her husband was letting it happen. I called the University of Omaha, and pleaded with them to accept her. They did. That was 15 years ago....she got her new liver, and I was the only one there while she was having the surgery..
I know suicide is a permament solution to a temporary problem,but my problem is not temporary. and I have no one....I am going to check out the MDA website today and see if I can get help...options..
I also know that I write on some of these forums, and then I won't even get on the computer for days. For this I am sorry. Sometimes it feels like so much pressure for others to know....please don't have bad thoughts about me.
deb