Love conquers all, and is always possible.
I was 36 when Dx with RSD. I was in the midst of a divorce, and my mother had just passed away a couple of months earlier when I went in for a discectomy that went really bad. Woke up from surgery with RSD among other things that went wrong from that surgery. Oh, and I had just moved into a new home so just about everything was still in boxes. Didn’t really matter because I couldn’t see much of my new house anyway because I was stuck on the second floor where my bedroom is. My oldest child, my son, was 15 at that time, my eldest daughter 11, and my youngest daughter 2 years old. I was paralyzed from the waist down for about a week after surgery and then spent months learning to walk again.
When I was finally able to get around a bit more, my girlfriends offered to come over and help me get my house in order. As much as I appreciated their help, I was going crazy trying to be polite and gracious, and yet in my mind saying, oh no, don’t put that there.
So I called an old friend, a man friend who I had known for nearly ten years. We had been roommates many moons earlier, and he was definitely in the “friend zone”. I said “I need someone who I can point and they can click” trying to get pictures hung, etc. He showed up… in a big way. He kept coming by and helping me, and after a month or so, started to put the moves on me. I’m thinking A) are you crazy, we’re friends, and B) who in the heck would want me in the physical shape I’m in, and C) Did I mention I have three kids, one of which was still in diapers?? Needless to say, I caved. But I also said to him, I am emotionally and physically bankrupt, I’m not sure that I have anything to offer you right now.
We continued to see each other and eventually he and his two kids moved in. Our kids had grown up around each other, so this made for an easy blend of families. For five years this man ask me for his hand in marriage, and I refused. Oh I came up with lots of “good” reasons, but my final reason and total honesty with him was my saying, “I’m not sure you know what you’re signing up for”. He let me know right quick that he had done the homework and was very aware of how things with RSD could go. I guess I couldn’t believe that he wanted to be with me anyway. Really?! He waited me out. Period. He loved me as much as I loved him, and that was all that mattered.
It was tough with my little one and RSD. It was tough on her older siblings too as I would constantly ask for their help. It’s still not a walk in the park. We have five, yes five children between us. My youngest just turned 10 and my eldest is 23. I’m not able to do all the fun stuff with her that I was able to do with my older children. That is sad for me and hurts my heart, but I have a partner in this life, and he is amazing. He picks up the slack, for sure, for sure. And I would never trade what I have… love. Love from my kids, all of them, and my husband too.
I’m a very lucky gal, there’s no doubt. I think I was testing him for a long time to be sure he could really hang with all things RSD. Oh jeeze, and now we have menopause to look forward to together
) joy! LOL … oh, God bless him.
I have to admit that it makes me sad that my youngest daughter may never know a day that I wasn’t like this. But she is very in tune when I am having a tough day. Sometimes I thinks she “gets it” better than most. Perhaps this will be the child that will help me when I need it most as I age.
So yes, it is possible. All things are possible. And usually happen when you never even expect them to.
