Hi W,

I am so sorry you are suffering. The "confusion and helplessness" that you feel must be awful.

When we have something we cannot change we have to learn a skill called acceptance. This is the ability to really know and believe that was is happening to you cannot be changed. To be satisfied.

However there are some things you could do to help some things you are suffering. To stop the overpowering feelings, the ones that run away and you are forced to follow them.

Ask your GP to refer you to a councilor. They listen. But a good councilor not only draws you out, but they help you to work out why you feel the way you do. Therefore you can resolve some issues that are making you feel helpless.

In the mean time practice recording your voice or writing down what you do each day, how it made you feel and the emotion that came with it. This will be good info to share with your councilor. Or a good strong friend who listens.

I don't have anyone who can listen. It is an art, a skill. So I have a councilor.
This site too is good. The actual ability you are developing by writing your thoughts on this site, is good for you, it's a detox. But you need help guiding these overwhelming emotions.
Most people have enough on their own plate, for some it's traumatic that they have to do the ironing, go to work on the bus, cook a meal. For others they have real trauma, like you.

But being understood is the hardest part. You need sympathy and a listening ear as a great chunk of your acceptance process.

I'm here, I will listen as I am sure everyone else on here will too.