I'm so glad to hear from you Lily...and you are stronger than you think you are. I understand about suicidal thoughts...have had them myself and they scare the hell out of me.

Our only son killed himself about 17 yrs ago and it changed all of us forever.
It is the ultimate rejection...the ultimate F U! I know that neither of us wants to leave that kind of legacy for the people that love us.

You want to feel better, you want good doctoring and people who will listen and understand. You aren't asking too much Lily...never give up hope...your life can change and your prayers be answered.

We've had some really terrible experiences with the medical field and it's made us more than a little cautious. Shop around for a counselor and be honest with them....that you need someone who will listen to you.

Warm hugs and please stay in touch. There are great people here.