I agree with your feelings. Some of despair some of greif. We all feel this way at some point in our disease process. It is what we do with it that will make a difference. Try and find a hobby that you can do.

Coming off your meds will be hard, but definitely for the best with Kidney and liver issues. Most medications effect the liver and some the kidneys, so it is my prayer for you that things clear up for you by coming off of these medications. In the meantime, there are medications that can bypass the liver and kidney and go right to the bloodstream. (ie patchs)