Quote:
Originally Posted by Saffy
My body is a mess of scars. There is so much scar tissue on my spine that my surgeon doesn't even know, till he opens me up, whether the paddle will fit ok.
On the left side of my once flat stomach (pre Stim) I have a large egg like lump which is scarring inside - it feels ugly.
The new stim will be put in on the other side .. oh hum, and the leads directed through the right side aswell.
When they finally got the stim giving me some relief, all I can say is, it was like someone giving my head a massage if I had a head ache. There was no miracle decrease of pain killers .. I still had pain putting my foot down .. albeit not as much and there is no feeling in my left foot so have to wear a brace, which is ugly, UGLY.
I'm beginning to think .. is it really worth putting myself through all that again to look ven uglier. (I don't like my husband seeing me so you can imagine where our sex life is ... nowhere)
This is no life..
|
Are you sure it is maybe you pulling away because you don't have your flat tummy, etc. and don't want him to see you like this?
I know where that comes from because I myself, since all this started 6 years ago; can't believe the shape of the person I am looking at in the mirror. It's like...."whose body is this"...can't be ....YIKES !!!, it's mine. But you know; it bothers me more than my husband. If I didn't tell him all the things that have changed and is wrong with my body, he probably wouldn't notice. In fact, he looks at me ...like..."what are you talking about". He really does not see what I see. For me; it is vanity, vanity. I do try to fix my hair and face up with a bit of blush, etc. and look good to him. You know how I know.....He tells me so. And, I know he means it.
Karen, we have to love ourselves first. Your husband will love that person because she is okay with herself. I am willing to bet, he would love the feel of your holding him and loving him. Give him and yourself a chance. You are still the woman he fell in love with; but don't forget to love yourself as well. Okay??????
Gerry)