I am stressed about my future finances and all stuff I have written about before. I have always been able to sleep with my Meds but they are no longer working. I stayed up until midnight and still got up at 4. When I got up I saw that someone dumped a can of yellow paint on his red older model Cadillac that he cherishes. I have said hello to him a couple times but he just will not acknowledge anyone in the neighborhood. I am really upset about it. He is not in town so i filed a police report for him. I went to the store and I was talking to a woman who was asking me about my dog and her freaking kids were petting Trip behind me. I bellowed "NO, NO, NO," you don't do that, you should never pet a dog from behind and without meeting him first....people in the parking lot looked at me like I was crazy, so did the mom, so did Trip. So I was super anxious already and then things start happening like they always do when I am fired up, lose my keys, lost my wallet found them both.

I also met a guy who has TBI/PTSD with a service dog. I skied him if he would mind if we took the dogs for a walk and he could teach me some things. That turned into he invited me to his house for brunch, he has his kids this weekend and it all got to be too much so I canceled. Also, I am an officer, he is enlisted and I could get in trouble for fraternization. I asked him if we could meet at a park or coffee or something some time. He was very nice and I feel very safe talking to him. I just want a friend....nothing more.

I went to my AA meeting this morning just drained and what they call emotionally hung over. I told them that I needed like 4 feet of personal space today because I am so scared. They were so nice to me.

My house is normally pristine but now it is a mess. I have recipes all over the kitchen, medical papers all over the dining room, the vacuum out, clean laundry in baskets to fold so instead of dealing with it, I blew up a queen sized aero bed in the living room and Trip and I are going to watch something like the Walton's or Little House on the Prarie and listen to the rain from Isaac that is making its way up here.

I am so miserable. I am trying so hard not to feel.