I've not got much time but wanted to say that a helpful resource for you might be the library- a book that helped me understand "anger" is called "The Dance of Anger". http://www.amazon.com/dp/006074104X?...e_of_anger.htm

Alcohol is like "medication"... I personally understand that. I'd like to recommend you talk to your doctor about your feelings of depression and suicide (sorry if you already have and I missed that) ... it may be healthier for you to try an anti-depressant... much healthier than alcohol.

Addy