Jakatak,

Reading thru this thread - yes, so many of us have had to leave our "old" lives behind and adjust and make the best we can going forward with what we have now.... and it is very very hard..... one day I was wokring hard, playing hard, and loving every day - and literally a year later really homebound, unable to work, having to use a wheelchair or walker, no longer able to eat food (only liquids now for 6 years) - and most devestating - the lost of who I was, and being a "normal" part of society... it sucks... but, I believe theres a reason and a lesson here somewhere for me, and every day try to find something to feel like I'm still making a contribution and going forward.....

Yes, there have been many nights I wonder why I'm still here - that I had a great life until I got sick and that was enough and how valuable a contribution can I possibly make going forward.... I dont have the answer...but do unfortunately have had freinds over the years decide they could not handle going forward for one reason or another and take their own lives..... the pain and suffering of their family and friends at their loss they will never know - but its intense - and never goes away..... survivors are left wondering how they could have helped, if they could have made a difference......

It sounds like you have a wonderful family - they need you and support you, even if our physical bodies are no longer what they were - you are still living in there - and that person is who is important - not the ability to run etc.... yes, debilitiong illness is a huge loss for us - but its also a bridge to something new, and its up to us to try to find it and continue on....

I'll get off my soapbox - but hang in there - we have to - life is so precious and goes by so fast - grab what you can!