Thread: What can I do
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Old 09-14-2012, 06:11 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Indiana
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXBatman View Post
I have no idea what is going through dh's head, but perhaps I can add a little male perspective on this. We are raised from a very young age to take care of women, to provide for them, to assist them whenever possible, and to cherish and nurture them. As much as the idea of the disease progressing scares you or any of us who have this disease, it terrifies him probably even more because it is totally out of his control. MS is something that can hurt you and make your life harder that he cannot change, cannot fix, and cannot cure. That is immensely frustrating to a guy, because we are raised with the idea that we should be able to do all of those things for our wives. We fix things for you...we solve problems...we are there when you need us. Yet with MS, he can't fix it...he can only watch and support you. He is probably terrified of losing you to a disease, terrified of seeing you in pain or unable to do things for yourself, and frustrated at his inability to do anything to change that course.

Now as to how he goes about showing those feelings or discussing your treatment with you, perhaps he isn't great at showing you those feelings, but if he loves you, they are there. When he hears you talk about not taking a recommended med or treatment, he probably feels like you are not doing things that you could to stave off the progression of the disease...which again feeds back into the helplessness he probably feels. So he argues with you to keep taking the meds or to do what the doctor says. I could be totally off, but I have been in a similar situation, and I know those feelings all too well.

I hope maybe you can figure out a way to communicate with him and not have to argue to understand each other. Sorry you are feeling down, and hope maybe getting a different perspective shines a little sunlight into your situation. He loves you...he just has a strange way of expressing it sometimes.
TX, your post made me cry. I did have another heart to heart with dh and he said almost exactly what you said. He even cried while saying it. He says he hates seeing me in pain and there isnt anything he can do about it. It was good for him to finally tell me what was going on in there. He said what if the pain gets so bad the pills dont help? I said, well I wonder if maryjane is legal here... and we both laughed really hard. A friend of mine with MS does smoke that, and she said seeing as I dont smoke she'd send me some special brownies We both needed a good laugh. Felt good. As for the jc virus test, I will just do it and get it over with. Im used to needles now, no biggie I guess.
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Dx RRMS April 1992
Yearly flares from 92 to 11
MS induced seizures 2002
Flare Oct 2011
Flare Dec 2011
Left disabled after 2 previous flares
Betaseron '02, Copaxone '12, Tecfidera '13
(allergic reaction to all)
No longer taking any MS therapy meds
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Blessings2You (09-14-2012), jprinz99 (09-18-2012), Mariel (09-15-2012), SallyC (09-14-2012), Sparky10 (09-14-2012), Twinkletoes (09-16-2012), TXBatman (09-24-2012)