Nick,

Your writing shows that you are not deteriorating. Believe your mom. I think you just have too high a standard for yourself. Until you get away from the constant busy-ness of LV, I don't think you will find any respite. Your trip to the Fremont experience is likely hitting you with a delayed reaction.

Your past experience with addiction may have you feeling like you need to have a better sense of well being. You appear to be addicted to feeling good. Anything less makes you think the world is collapsing around you.

The kids do not need you to be a rocket scientist but they do need you. Please dig in and go on for them. Have a phone number handy for when you need help. There is good help available.

Once you find a slower pace for life, thing will be able to get better. Once I moved away from San Jose, I did much better.

Please hold tough and endure for Caleb.