A couple of weeks ago a neuropsychologist came to see me. She spent the first hour talking to me about my childhood and then spent another hour doing tests with me. I only did 2-3 different tests before she had to leave.

Today I got the report back and I'm quite shocked by what I am reading. She says that, although I clearly have impaired memory and functioning, the test results are not consistent with a mild head injury. After saying that we could not complete the tests because I was "so slow", she suggests that I have pre-existing learning difficulties that are accounting for many of my symptoms. Funny because I obtained a scholarship to private education, thrived in a job that requires utmost attention to detail and have NEVER had any issues with cognitive function prior to me hitting my head.

She has also written that she advises I am assessed by a psychiatrist to look into my 'learning difficulties' further and because I presented as "extremely anxious".

Basically, this means that I now have very little to go on in terms of compensation because of her suggesting my condition was 'pre existing'. My disability benefits are out the window. And nobody is going to take me seriously any more. I also have 'learning disability' on my medical record and I have no idea if that will ever go away.

I'm done. I've had enough. I was counting on a proper assessment to get me the help I need. I was counting on that compensation to help rebuild my life.

I've been trying to think so positively these last 2 weeks. Things were looking up - I'd just found a place that looked promising to live and I was getting the support to move in. No chance of that now. It'll be the homeless hostel for me.

And my lawyer told me all of this at 5pm, right before he's away until Monday.

I thought things couldn't get any worse. I can't do this any more. I really can't. I can't take the pain - the headaches, the dizziness, the nausea, the constant ringing in my ears - as homelessness and no prospect of an escape. It's just too much to bear now that what little hope I have has been taken away. Not just taken away...thrown in my face. It pains me to say it but I don't see any way out except suicide. I never thought I could feel this much pain.