andromeda,
I had suicidal thoughts haunting and even I prepared myself for it. Good that I didn't own a gun Even now some times I think that way when my symptoms gets unbearable. I counteract with some meds and thinking positive. Are you taking any medicine? Sometimes it may help.

I was about to homeless (very close) but my previous employers (also good friends) stepped in and let me to work from home in my own hours with full benefits. That is how I survive now. I did nothing in the beginning for about a year but didn't see any improvement and so this job at least gets me out of depression and keeps me some what occupied.

If you are in U.S. and in this area, I can say come and stay with me as long as you can and don't worry about money until you figure this out. I wish I can offer more than to say hang in there. But hang in there and don't give up!!

Cheers!