Theta,

You said < I've been quiet, I've been still --- but my mind is never quiet, never still, never a moment's rest. I've been in hell in my mind 24/7>

Have you tried to find some simple stimulations that will fill your thoughts with acceptable stimulation to block out the negative thoughts and such?

I am rarely without some sort of mild stimulation, be it music with or without lyrics (YouTube is a great place to find those oldies I liked), casual online browsing, a manual task or two, yard work, reading simple books, etc. Without these simple stimulations, I would go batty.

My best to you.