There are times in our lives when the dark is so heavy and thick that hope seems out of reach. I have felt this way more than once and may again. Even though I am lucky enough to have family close by. They do not know my struggles the way I do.

They notice my struggles but... When I am very low and feel alone I count my blessings, such as they are. Sometimes I feel it would be better to have been left a drooling, babbling idiot.

There are no broken bones, gushing blood or any easily medical identified malaise. So easy for a Dr to write you off. It's tension or anxiety, or worse your a maligner or other somtoma forma patient.

I am not myself and may never be myself as I was and yet the message I hear frequently is adjust, accept. Difficult words when I can not understand or even truley communicate whats happening to me. I feel like the character in Flowers for Algernon. At that crucial point when you know things are changing and not for the better.

What was so a part of me slips away like sunlight at sunset, and into the dark I go.