Ever since I got this disease I've been trying to understand people's reactions to it. Most of my friends don't want to talk about it, which I find hurtful, and I don't quite know why. Here are some possible reasons:

1) They don't believe it's a real disease, and they think that if they speak of it as if it is, they'll just be "enabling" my hypochondria;

2) They believe it's a real disease, but think that any expression of sympathy is bad for me, because the more I dwell on it, the worse it will be for me. This sounds awful, but looking back I can see that I have done this to people in the past. I had a friend who, after a car accident, was confined to a wheelchair. I sort of figured that his disability was so obvious to everyone that it had become the primary focus in the way people interacted with him, and that he would appreciate it if I treated him just like a "normal person." I felt like if I was always sympathetic, that would be condescending, and it would be refreshing to him if I treated his disabilities matter-of-factly. But maybe I was cold;

3) They are from the last generation, which considered severe illnesses to be shameful (like "the Big C"), something you don't talk about in polite company, and they don't want to embarrass me by bringing it up;

4) There's a vicious circle going on: I noticed that people don't like to talk about it, so I don't talk about it; so they think I don't like to talk about it, so they don't bring it up;

5) They're thoughtless. I put people in this category when they regale me with half an hour's account of their very minor medical problems (sinus infection) but never ask how I'm doing even though they saw me fall down last week.

When I first came down with what was obviously something serious and chronic, I resolved not to become a medical bore--someone who talks your ear off about all her latest symptoms. So I think most of my friends fall into category number 4. They're taking their cue from me. I have one or two friends who want all the details, and press me for them, and I really appreciate them! But that's just me. Other people might be more private, and not want to talk about it.

Looking over this post, I think there's something not quite acceptable about it, but I'm not sure what. I have a tendency to categorize...well, everything. But it's not usually good to categorize people. I have long suspected that I have a touch of (undiagnosed) Asperger's, which would explain a lot, including my chronic state of puzzlement at other people's behavior.

Abby