Thank you BlueSkye

Sometimes I think I think too much, like, ok I understand Dad was not meant to live forever. But I guess what I haven't made peace yet is the fact that it had to happen how it did.

I try not to think much of it because it's very upsetting still, I know how much he hated being in ER let alone ICU because when we first drove him there before the surgery he would fight the tubes off of him and he was probably the worst patient to take care of with his grumpy mood. He was just scared about it all.

In a way, I think what hurts most is seeing those we love most suffer. I know it probably sounds horrible but I would have traded places if I could. He may not have been the "Best Father of the Year" kind of thing but he was my own and I just loved him.

Sigh, what a couple days I've had.

I'm sort of doing a bit better though. I miss him a lot. I guess I always will? But we had this beautiful mass and we invited some of his old friends, some could make it some couldn't and I saw one of his best friends I hadn't seen in over 10 years. He cried when he saw me, I cried when I saw him crying haha and I don't know, felt nice seeing others who love him just as much too and share happy thoughts as well as just thinking he's probably in a much better place now. And most importantly, that he is no longer in pain and will never ever be in pain again.