Yes. I have indeed tried to just 'simply occupy my mind'.
Nothing works for me. [ In this year, my year#4.]
Not in this year nearly all year my year#4. You know I'm neither 'young' nor a 'newbie', being in year#4.
Year#3
I thought I was doing well, managing well, active again, happy, taking good care. Enter: I got a creative project last year which I thought I could do well,
and manage to take care of my brain, resting to balance out the activity.
I similarly to
andi perhaps, thought I was taking good care while enjoying being moderately more active and engaged in the world. After
a year of "being better, doing better" I simply couldn't sustain it and all went away, including my self. Ugh.
I presently cannot abide
any music whatsoever. No 'relaxation' music, no classical music, not our fave rock&roll from our 'SaladDays'. Not even REM or CountingCrows. REM used to be 'good for my brain', and Mozart. Can't go to the symphony or ballet, or any live music.
DownHere is home to such richness & diversity of American music genres and songwriters. There is really fine live music, jazz, or whatever to enjoy every night of the week all year outdoors, free, in small lovely alfresco venues with beautiful sunsets to enjoy. One of the things I loved about Gulf Coast living. Sigh.
Can't do
youtube either. Sigh.
Crossword puzzles, I've loved doing, lifelong, now serve only to remind me painfully of the cognitive, vocabulary and language skills that I've lost. No
sudoku. Any
numbers simply send my head into "TILT!!" No
drawing, no calligraphy. No
reading books or magazines. Can't sing or even hum!
Solitare using playing cards makes me feel hopelessly doomed and like 'just passing time'.
Playing cardgames on the computer and anything like
luminosity just tax my eyes/vision or just plain annoying. (I'm just not a gamer. And that's okay.) I like
playing canasta with real cards, real people, yes. I presently can't abide
'chattiness' of people; conversations are annoying, taxing, difficult for me.
"Hey,I'm tellin' ya, this 'me' is no fun! So I don't socialize or be with people, for now, anyway. It's kind of like a self-imposed 'solitary confinement' with my own mind and no distractions, for these 9 months.
Oh well, I'm going to learn a better to work with that
I
abhor tv'; for me it's all largely
stupid, irrelevant, or annoying.
Movies can be okay, sometimes. I really didn't watch tv pre-crash. Now my tv is too small, i.e. my vision is such that it's really taxing for me. No
radio, no
talk shows. No
books on tape. Did I say no
magazines or short stories, even?
Lil dogs that don't yap & barkbarkbark, cats, and birds, yes! Yes, I walk my friends' lil canine guys and gals down by the bay now that it's Autumn DownHere, and I don't "die" in heat/humidity.
So I've been
largely in self-isolation, locked within a prison of my mind, and that's
not a relaxing nor 'self-supportive' place to hang out 24/7,[B] for me, in my own experience with myself in this pcs life we live and have to learn to work with, somehow, sometime.
Yes. I have indeed tried to just 'simply occupy my mind'.
However I'm reaching out here online in an effort to connect with the fine folk and fabric of life, yet again. And giving a
small hope to a comeback, again, another 'Go". Thanks for keeping me company along the way, Each and All here on NT, and for all mutual supportiveness.
And keep reaching out here along your own way.
We're all trying to find our way 'Home' to ourselves.
Love, appreciation,
metta,
Theta
