Welcome to NT
Glad you found your way here. You are making progress
I'm a work in progress ! ! !
We all struggle. Some more than others. It just may be our cross to bear.
Hang in there. There is better for you if you'll just accept it. It is hard to, sometimes, for whatever reason you're holding on to.
I don't know in what form help will begin to kick in, or if it will, to a noticable appreciation that you can detect immediately.
I hope you can find some peace within.
Don't beat up on yourself too bad.
There's lots of good there, too.
Just look for it, ok?