Mistiis,
I've never posted here, so you don't know me, but I know your fight. The beast and I have wrestled for close to three decades now. Multiple scars, both physical and emotional attest to this.

What has helped beat it back is a promise made to a close friend. Someone I could never hurt by leaving her with the pain and guilt those left behind feel. Whether that would give you strength or not, I don't know, but if you do have someone, be it online or in person, that you could never hurt, say it out loud to them. If you just say it in your head, its easy to retract, but if you say it to them, it really makes you think twice.

Please don't leave this world before you have to. We only have a short time here in the scheme of things, even if much of it is painful. No matter how painful or frightening things are, for everyone of us who want to leave this life, there is another person somewhere that wants desperately to live and is fighting to stay.

Sam