I have 1 friend. I cant drive (embarissaring right?!), and even if i could when i was 19 i devolped epilepsy (seizures) ontop of everything else. I worked full time, usally around 50hrs a week (i was 16 when i started working) and I was a PT tech and was hopefully going to be going to college to become a PT befor i was hurt. it was my love! i LOVED working! I loved doing my job, i loved helping people! And then a few yrs later, BAM im the paitent! And then i HATED it! My boss, the person i worked for, was then having to treat me is a paitent. Eventually i had to stop going because no progress was being made and we knew the outcome and i couldnt stand seeing my co workers anymore with out me actually working with them. I dont go out, its rare if i do. I dont date because thats just to complicated with all my health stuff. And yes i went threw the intial grieving prosses, that felt like it lasted forever, and theres many times i still grieve. Many times i still get angry. WHY cant i be a normal 22yr old? WHY cant i go out and have fun with friends and do whatever? WHY cant i drive? WHY do i have to feel this pain every single day? WHY did i believe it was just a simple surgery? Because that "simple" surgery changed my whole intire life! Every bit of it! And then i start having seizures, WHY me?! And these seizures arent even easy to treat because of what kind they are, my luck huh? and they cause so much pain when i have the big ones, they take such a hard toll on my body, so WHY me?! WHY am I having to go threw so much stress right now in this very moment because my little brother who oh gosh we love so much is fighting for his life after a surgery and now is trached and vented, and hes been in the PICU for a month now. so WHY am I having to go threw all these trials?! My personality COMPLETLY changed! The person that was very laid back and happy and sarcastic all the time is no longer there and hasnt been for a long time and never will be. I lost all my friends because of it. My family even struggled with it for a little bit because i wasnt me. What I saw in my paitents at work, I became myself and gosh i couldnt stand that. BUT its made me who I am now. Ive changed for the better and not for the better. I dont know if its nessisarly a "positive" outlook i have or how much i have, ive just simply learned to live, day by day and some days its just minute by minute. Ive learned not to take the little things for grandit. To apreciate everything you have, because you can loose it in an instant. And I havent found anybody to help me eather, most of us havent. But it doesnt meen you dont stop doing your research and fight to get the help you need. Look for drs to see, find one that can help, exspecially to manage your pain.