SD Fencer,
I'm sorry that you are in such a bind. Sometimes when we have a disability or chronic problem, it feels like we get left on the sidelines. That had to be painful when you were left out of the family picture. When you first begin having problems, people are interested and willing to help. When the novelty wears off, many of our loved ones don't want to talk the problem or go out of their way to make sure we are included. Sometimes it seems like they want to get on with thier own lives and not have to face the problems suffered by us. The problem is, we have to continue to live with it day after day and don't have a choice. Its probably a normal human reaction, but that doesn't make it feel any better.

You obviously love to fence, and though I don't know much about it, I can see where it would be expensive. You don't need to be the best. Try to beat your own personal best. Believe me, I'm not trying to make light of this. My "expensive sport" is horseback riding. My horse is only a few minutes from where I live, but my disability has crushed my dreams of competing in endurance riding. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been able to get to the barn just to see them. It can really drag you down, but you can't give up.

Having a disabiliy and learning to deal with it is a kind of grief. You've lost something and it can be difficult to accept limitations and find another way to enjoy whatever abilities you still have. Sleeping all day is tempting as it eases the emotional Pain of facing the day. However, if you do sleep all day, time will pass that you can't get back. Its not always easy to fight, but please don't give up on yourself. Throw yourself into the things that you can do. Opportunities open up in areas that we never even thought about. Use the forum, friends and other contacts to stay in touch. When it gets too hard to handle alone, come here and vent. It may not be the same as face to face, but everyone here can identify with your struggle, even if for a different reason.

Please let us know how you are doing. You are important.

Sam