Welcome to Neuro Talk. You did find a wonderful site, and lots of good compassionate folks. I can't say I ever went through the degree of depression you have, but I have had enough to know how miserable it is. There is a way out. It begins with mind over matter, and a concious decision to feel better. Sometimes we are out of wack with chemicals in the brain. This can be dicussed with a doctor that you trust. A good PCP can help. I have a PCP who hugs me. Can't get better than that for a caregiver. It took me 8 years to find him. I was also blessed as I know a psychologist, who is a friend, not in the role of council. Reach out for help. If you trust and love your sister, talk to her. Talk to us here, and do something to get out of the situation you are in. It does take some effort. It is a choice. Nobody wants to feel that way for a lifetime, it is awful. Life can be good, even loaded with problems, it is your perception of the things that happen to you. It isn't the cards you are given, but how you play the hand. Don't hurt yourself, embrace yourself. You are a human being deserving of all the good stuff life has to offer. Get the help. Also one of the best things I ever did for myself was to pick up a book. I was not a reader. It takes you away from yourself, away from your mind set, and expands your perception of the world. Try to be good to others, and good will come right back to you. I am here for you, and so is Neuro Talk. Take the step forward, and reach for what you need. ginnie