...I am writing this reply with caution.The last thing I want to do is upset anyone but having read and re-read your post ,I am compelled to say something.What strikes me throughout,are the references,of which there are many,to what I feel,is a severe state of anxiety.There are "falls" and there are "FALLS" if you get my meaning... but to my knowledge these are mainly caused by freezing...or loss of balance owing to the way we walk for example.Short,shuffling steps are a recipe for falls as the body is propelled forwards faster thasn the brain can control the movement.
BUT...what I rightly or wrongly have picked up between the lines,is a huge state of anxiety,and "falls" which occur not by tripping over something,but because your whole body almost collapses in response to extremely clear defined codes of behaviour from others.
These following words,appear to me to be the key to your emotional state,which then acts as a trigger,almost,for the way in which your body reacts.
anguish tense slump limp turn to jelly flustered barrage barrelling The latter two words suggest aggressiveness in the way someone approaches you.Also I picked up on two areas in which you state you don`t fight back in order to "keep the peace" or prevent further angers to arise. In which case it would suggest that you have very little say in how you wish to live your life.
Who has the right to dictate that you shouldn`r take an alcoholic drink once in a while? Shouldn`t you a] be applauded for your desire to find something which helps ease the pain? b] be respected in your ability to make such choices?
Who has the right to take offence at your suggestion that "their actions are the result of my reaction."
and the sentence I found to be the one holding the key...
"I am wreaking havoc on my families emotions"
Excuse me...but you have a seruious illness here.You deserve the respect of all around you...and forgive me for being so brutally honest...What about the havoc,that insensitive actions or responses,are having on YOUR emotions?
It seems from this angle,that your inner response to aggressive,loud and threatening behaviour has been "conditioned" over the years and Parkinsons is simply exaccerbating these responses.
I know because I have reacted pretty much the same over the years.
At one stage I couldn`t bear the phone ringing...I shook uncontrollably. For I was conditioned that a phone call meant a threat .blackmail or just plain verbal insults.Up uintil a couple of weeks ago [before I joined a confidence building and assertiveness course, whenever I was confronted by this one person,.my legs turned to jelly..and as you have described,my body would slump and go limp. Again,this was a condiotioned reflex to behaviour I knew would without a doubt,bring even more misery should I stand up for myself.It was as if my body were shrinking,and disappearing so that I couldn`t be seen.Literally./...my legs would not hold me up.
For what it`s worth,I think you would benefit from much the same type of course.You are keeping quiet in order not to rock the boat.That can only serve to make you more fearful,,,for this is what it reads to me...fear. Fear of aggressive confrontation...fear of what implecationsa there would be should you voice your opinion or retaliate...Fear of upsetting the applecart.
Been there...done it...got the T shirt.
Please try to find a way to build up your confidence to speak out...and take a course which helps you to keep a grip when these "barrages" rain down on you.
Gosh..I so hope I haven`t spoken out of turn but it is so close to the mark that I picked up on these key issues.

Thinking about you.