I hesitate to use this forum as a vessel for moaning but I'm not sure who else to turn to about this.

I'm just a little over four weeks away from my first appointment with an MG specialist and the waiting is driving me nuts. The fact that the course of my future life depends on the opinion of one person whom I have never met before really troubles me. I know it is impossible to predict what the outcome of the appointment will be and there is no point in speculating, but as I have spent the last three years with next to no life and my chances of getting better depend on that appointment, it is hard to keep it out of my mind.

Before I became ill I was traveling Europe attending conferences, giving lecture recitals and performances of original dance works. I went hill walking every weekend and had an active social life. I played piano three hours a day and regularly gave concerts. I was very independent. Now I am living with my parents and am totally dependent on them. I can't travel alone or drive anymore and am having to sell my car. I can't do any of the activities that I love anymore and my life is reduced to watching TV, which I find completely mindless. I can't even manage to read at the moment as my eyes become blurry. At age thirty I assumed I would be married with children with an academic job and a nice house but this illness has taken away all these possibilities and all the things that made me feel alive.

I cannot face being told again that my symptoms are 'all in my mind' and the possibility of having to continue in this situation indefinitely with no diagnosis, help or treatment available drives me to despair. I know I just have to wait and see on the outcome, but I just want my life back!