Perhaps your insurance company would be a good resource. They should be able to point you to providers in your area that can help you. If they have a nurse call line, call it and tell them you are sick, in pain, and need help finding a doctor. They should be able to guide you through the channels they require you to take. If you get resistance, put on your assertive hat, and flatly tell them that they have an obligation to help you find an adequate provider, even if you have to change doctors. (Sounds like you could use a second opinion anyway). If you feel the call would be too overwhelming, your fiance can call, just stay available to authorize the conversation.

As far as my issues are concerned, I have been in pain for several weeks, and lost a great deal of function in my right arm. It has been slowly improving, but when the pain was at it's worst, nothing helped. I did try some ice on the areas that hurt the worst, and it helped while the ice was on those areas, but the pain came back just as strong when I took the ice off. I have been having headaches every day, and was very fatigued, which is also improving.

I saw my primary today, and she has ruled out cardiac, arthritis, lyme, thyroid, diabetes, and other autoimmune issues. She got me an appointment with my neurologist on Wednesday, and I have an MRI this week also. She feels that her first diagnosis would be MS.

I have a strong family history for MS. A cousin on my dad's side is in a wheelchair, and a maternal uncle committed suicide shortly after he was diagnosed. (Not an option for me! I want to live until I am a very, very old lady!)

What really frightens me is what this is going to do to my nursing career. I am a Critical Care and Emergency Department Nurse, and my job requires that I be mentally alert, and have good dexterity. (Neither of which I can rely on now). If I cannot reliably perform nursing tasks, then I cannot work with patients. I know that some accommodations can be made, but I couldn't think this last time I had a flare up, and I can't in good concience jeopardize the safety of my patients. I am making plans to go a back to school and get my masters as soon as we sort this mess out, and I am on a treatment plan. Then I can teach nursing, and wont be a risk to the people in my care.

I also feel very guilty about how this is going to affect my family. My husband and I will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary next week, and we were looking forward to a healthy, happy retirement. He is a nurse too, and we both know what we will be in for as I continue to lose function. I am also worried about our daughters, one of which just graduated from nursing school, and the other is in high school. I do not want them to change their life plans to take care of me. (or in anticipation of taking care of me). I want them both to be independent and happy, not worried about whether or not I need help.

So....If the MRI shows MS, then I am going to be very aggressive in treatment. I want to retain as much function as possible, for as long as possible. I have seen as many miracles as tragedies in my career, and will not give up. I have encouraged many patients to dig deep and find the strength to continue treatment, I should at least do the same for myself.



Tam