I was injured in a double rear-end car accident in Jan 2003 and life, as you all can relate, has never been the same. It took a solid 30 days of complaining that I wasn't right to get a referal to a neurologist who finally did an EEG (causing my first relapse) and confirmed I had a concussion at that time. Thirty days later and I had no concept I had even hit my head, twice...The first two and a half years afterwards were a living nightmare. I had to fight with nearly every doctor and lawyer to get medical attention and had to seek second opinions constantly. I was labeled as hysterical in more than one report. As I signed settlement papers with the attorneys in late 2005, I received my final diagnosis from my neurologist of TBI. (I was praying for a MTBI diagnosis just so I would know I wasn't crazy).

Long story short, as you all know, nothing is the same. I am a high functioning survivor which only leads people, like family, to believe there is nothing wrong with me...that I am not challenging myself enough...that I don't have enough self confidence...that I don't excercise enough...that this is like an injury to a leg muscle and I'm not "working" it (my brain) enough, and my all time favorite...look at Gabby Giffords and how well she is doing...(really???) I've given up trying to defend myself because I think it makes me look weaker and simply sit back as she beaks at me. My sister thinks I should be out in the world working and that my priority in my life should be making money...she wants me to do things like work in a retail store stocking shelves and telemarketing for the fish and wildlife guys...I simply can't explain how my tinnitus makes phone calling next to impossible for me to do effectively, not to mention the physical pain of having a phone in my ears nor can I explain the overstimulation of people, lights, smells, noises....AFter years of doctors and therapists telling me I am being too hard on myself, I have a sister who mirrors the voices in my head that I am not good enough anymore. She hates that I have to sleep 9 - 10 hours a night too. Thinks I am being depressed and lazy.

To clarify, I am working. I am "pretending" to be a office manager for my friend's small theater. It is low budget and we are all working on getting more funding but for now I am making a small amount a month. I choose to be at this job because I was able to tell my friend that I am an alcoholic as well as a brain injury survivor. She is grateful to have me there working and allows me the time I need to handle the job but it is slow going and frustrating and I rarely make deadlines. I can also control the environment (most of the time) and if my head won't allow me to work, I can take a day off. This accident also destroyed my art career which I am trying to recover but I can't "draw" what I see anymore either.

I have recently visited my doctor at the local clinic to talk about my asthma but also mentioned my brain injury. I've been seeing her for over a year and she wanted to know why I hadn't ever mention the TBI before...all I could say is that it wasn't the reason I had visited her before, my asthma was. (My recommedation to all brain injury people is to go into the doctor's office with a friend or advocate and a written list of all problems). She prescribed me busiprone for anxiety although I'm not sure I want to take it but also surprisingly was receptive to my TBI and said they had a specialist on staff who could help me?!? I start intake on Tuesday but hold little hope there is help for me and the specialist is a speech therapist of all things...any feedback any of you may have is appreciated....

Sorry about the novella... :-)