Wow BF, my bipolar manifested at it's worst during my second year of college too, and then during my third year I lost my scholarship and dropped out. I was a microbiology major. In high school I was quite sociable, friendly, funny, and involved in all sorts of clubs, math club, marching band, etc. Senior year I was class treasurer and I graduated on stage b/c academically I was in the top 1% of my class. I was voted by our student body as "Most Likely to Succeed". It is in my yearbook for all posterity. I was so proud back then but today thinking about it adds to my depression. I haven't been back to a single class reunion in fear they would remember, expecting me to be this fantabulous research scientist by now and have to tell them I never finished college and that I'm a stay at home mom. :sigh: I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it makes me feel embarrassed. Thinking back it's like I'm a different person from her. She was so happy and so... together. I fall apart at the slightest thing these days and can't handle stress like I used to. It is so hard to even look people in the eye when I talk to them. I feel so socially awkward, even though I read a book about social anxiety and did the exercises. It's like I've lost the ability to make small talk. But I know it wasn't always this way and it's so frustrating!!!!!

I'm glad you had a good experience at the Wellness Center. Having internet access would make me feel not so trapped & isolated.