Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly11
Wow BF, my bipolar manifested at it's worst during my second year of college too, and then during my third year I lost my scholarship and dropped out. I was a microbiology major. In high school I was quite sociable, friendly, funny, and involved in all sorts of clubs, math club, marching band, etc. Senior year I was class treasurer and I graduated on stage b/c academically I was in the top 1% of my class. I was voted by our student body as "Most Likely to Succeed". It is in my yearbook for all posterity. I was so proud back then but today thinking about it adds to my depression. I haven't been back to a single class reunion in fear they would remember, expecting me to be this fantabulous research scientist by now and have to tell them I never finished college and that I'm a stay at home mom. :sigh: I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it makes me feel embarrassed. Thinking back it's like I'm a different person from her. She was so happy and so... together. I fall apart at the slightest thing these days and can't handle stress like I used to. It is so hard to even look people in the eye when I talk to them. I feel so socially awkward, even though I read a book about social anxiety and did the exercises. It's like I've lost the ability to make small talk. But I know it wasn't always this way and it's so frustrating!!!!!
I'm glad you had a good experience at the Wellness Center. Having internet access would make me feel not so trapped & isolated.  |
I wonder why this happened to us. My mother had emotional problems,and dropped out of college also. She didn't admit that the problem was Mental Health Issues. She said that she lost her voice. When I was growing up,I noticed that she lost her voice when she was upset. She was troubled about something.
This bipolar illness isn't fair. I was headed toward being in the science major field,but my mental health derailed all of that. I was gaining anxiety problems in High School though. I had evidence of having OCD when I was about 5,or 6.
I love science. My first love in science was collecting butterflies,and moths. Then I became interested in the weather. Then I became interested in astronomy,then it branched out into the whole earth sciences,and space science.
I too get embarrassed way to much. I found a High School friend on facebook who was a good friend,and I haven't gotten in touch with him because I didn't have a career. I'd be embarrassed to say that I worked in Supermarket work,and that I wasn't working right now. I haven't been to any of my High School reunions either because they would ask me what I've done in my life,and am I married. I never married. I'm straight,and I'm normal. I just couldn't handle the responsibility of marriage. I came close to getting married,but we wondered about my mental health conditions,and she married someone else. That hurt.
That's always been a conversation stopper. No career,and not married. Then I wouldn't know what to say unless I rapidly changed the subject. Oh this has been a painful,and embarrassing situation,on top of the mental health issues.
BF
