this is the 3rd time writing this as my computer sucks....and like messing with me.


I am desperate, I DO feel ALONE sometimes. I know there are others out there who are in MUCH worse pain than I and I'm scared that is my future. I can't clean my house very well, my work is suffering, I can't even pick up my sweet cuddly 7yr old daughter....and it's only supposed to get worse?????Sigh, I am trying to keep calm though. It may not seem like it but posting here helps "get it out" since I can't with my fiancé. And we'll see how it goes there.I tried a new step...I bought him flowers for no reason. Just to remind him if the love we once had and that we don't need to lose it....It seemed to help a little. ...He still thinks "he knows" what this pain is. Because he had "carpal tunnel"....

Trying to get the medications that would be strong enough to kill this pain in my state, and city, are insanely difficult. I unfortunately live in a "tweaker central" type of town. You know where everybody's id "disabled" or have "chronic back pain" then they turn around and sell their pills or abuse them and take them for pleasure.My PC doesn't know much about CRPS or he would've prescribed more than Oxycodone 5mgs 1 tab every 12 hours....I took more than that when I broke my ankle...The Anesthesiologist who is doing my block "doesn't prescribe narcotics" And My original "Pain Management" Dr. doesn't want to interfere with what my PCP is perscribing.....grr! Nasty stupid cycle!


I am trying to face the fact that I will probably have this the rest of my life.
I am trying to find way to cope with the pain. Most days I can. But there are some days that just.....go overboard. Where nothing seems to help and I get tense from the pain and try not to cry but the tension and crying makes the pain worse.....yet another cycle. I have also NOT missed a full day of work. I can't. I don't get child support, and I work FT. I barely keep the roof over our head. If I had a bunch of time off we couldn't eat, or have heat, or anything but the barest of essentials.


I am having a hard time typing this. as typing seems to be a "stressor"....ha my jobe is 70% typing.........fun.

I have spoken to a lawyers office. I'm just "keeping them in th wings" so to speak. If this IS going to be my LIFE from now on. They need to pay me. A LOT. Because this doesn't just afffect me. Everytime my daughters face falls because I can't pick her up.They should pay. Everytime her face looks so sad because I can't play because Mommy's in pain. they should pay. Everytime I swallow the agony and pretend everything just fine so I can do something with her, and then later burst into tears in private because playing with her made it SO much worse. They should pay. We'll see what happens.The stars seems to get their doctors to give them whatever the hell they want...should I moved to Hollywood?? lol anyway thank you for you time....I have to quit now......the pain is flairing again...i ****** it off by typing......Take care and Thank you all!